B'eautique black straw 'Fleur de Lis' shell tote, $77.99

"Stella!"
"What is it, Agnes?"
"I'm going to the beauty parlor! Do you want to go with me?"
"The one in South Beach?"
"Yes! Now grab your pocketbook --"
"The fancy designer one Morrie bought me off the world wide web?"
"Yes, and don't forget your matching gold loafers! They'll go great with your purse and tracksuit!"
"Ok! I'll pick you up in the Buick in half an hour!"
"Okay! Wait till you see our new plastic flamingos! They're real beauts!"

Pro-Keds Royal Storm Boots Sneakers, Ebay, $35

YES! I really need these. They're building colonies on the moon, right?

Women's Quilted Jackets, $36.50, Old Navy

"Um, hello, grandma?... Yes, it has been a while since I've visited. Yeah, I miss you too... Ah, God, I really don't want to hear about Grandpa's bowels... Yes, I know his memory is going... Yeah, ma's fine. Look, I was wondering if I could borrow some money...."